Broken Memory
by Shini1
Summary: um...my first fic...kinda sappy...maybe a lil' drama....PG13 for..um...suicide??? am i telling too much??? r/r plz o.O


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Broken Memory

Author's Note: um…it's from Duo's POV…Heero went off with um…I guess I shouldn't spoil the story. BTW, review, flame, burn me, whatever you want, just says sumfin k?

Disclaimers: um…GW and everything dun belong to me…they belong to…um…someone I dunno…it that it? Or do I need more?

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I sat alone and depressed before the cold fire. All my thoughts were stored in a mental folder, yet they were jumbled in many ways. Did he love me? Did he care? Did he understand? Was it real? All these questions demanded answers, but where do I find the answers? I closed my eyes and thought back to our last meeting. 

* * * 

The snow fell like the droplets from a waterfall. The sheets surrounded me as I saw him walking toward me. He said he loved me! How can he take back his love and tell me to go home? I gave him my heart and soul. Al he has done is take care of it then throw it away as trash in the end. He says he loves me! It this true? 

"Please listen to me," he pleaded.

"Why?" I asked, feeling the rage in my boil.

"I love you now, and I will forever love you."

"Then what do you call the relationship between you and her?" I asked heatedly, shuddering at the thought of Relena.

"You know I love you, but you must go home! Your parents will be worried. I also have some loose ends to mend," he replied, looking away from my penetrating glare.

"What loose ends? More hearts waiting to be broken?" I spat at him.

"No." His reply was short and simple. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he cares.

"She needs love," he said, after a bit of thinking.

"That's it! I can't take it anymore! It's over! Everything! You can just say that the love between us was too heavy for the ice. So it cracked one day and the love sank to the bottom, trapped within its own ice coffin. And that day is today!" I sneered, trying desperately trying to hide my breaking heart.

My heart ached to hold him one last time, to remember his touch. When he answered, it tore my heart open as I heard him, calm and cold. It hurt a lot. Deep inside me, I wished everything were a reflection of my nightmares. He talked of her as if she was more important that his own life. Her happiness was all he needed of heaven. He had hurt me in so many ways; left ugly scares and gashes in my heart. He doesn't seem to notice the pain he caused me, but I realized it crystal clear. It was typical of people, especially men, to fool around with love. My heart went out to him once, and it still goes out to him now, even after the scars he left. I sighed, only if he knew how I felt.

I never felt love, but often dreamt of it. Now when I have found love, it was merely a reflection of my dreams. My fairy tales were changed into an evil and sad-ending piece of writing. My heart tried to mend the gashes but ended up expanding the pain. He loved her, I saw him, comforting her as if there was no tomorrow, as if it was the end of the world. I thought his heart was mine to keep, but clearly, I was wrong like always. 

I must have done something really wrong to be punished like this. I am a failure; a worthless being who is not fit to be called a human. I failed the test of endurance, I failed love, I failed my dreams, I failed my future, and I failed my life. People think I can never fail, but look at me now. I failed everything. The only thing I passed would be the door that leads into a world of loneliness, hate, rage, insulation, and depression. I have many loses along with the love I failed. My self-esteem, was gone, my dreams are shattered, my hopes dissolved, my happy-ending fairy tales were changed, I was stripped of emotions and left with a empty hole of darkness for the heart and soul. 

* * *

I sighed, and directed my attention to the fire in front of me. I was foolish then, and I'm foolish now. Time change people, but obviously Time had no power over me. Only my memories of love remained. I had few happy memories, but I tossed them away. My aching heart longed for someone's arms around my waist, hugging me, protecting me, giving me new memories of a happier time, and last, let me experience love again. I ached for someone to keep me warm on the cold harsh nights of winter, someone to tell me they care. Someone to kiss me with every ounce of affection they possess. I wish someone would be here to speak kindly and tell me how much I mean to him. I wished for a strong arm on my shoulder that will keep me safe for as long as I live. 

I need someone to help me express my feelings and emotions. I need someone to mend my scars and gashes. I hoped for someone to lead me to the key of his heart, and let his heart melt the ice that hold me a prisoner of love. I have dreamt of love, but it never turned out right. I was trying to make m life a little easier, but I only ended up with more pain and the realization that no one will ever love me for who I really am. No matter how I try to make my dreams happy, in the end, my heart is the one that is torn and cold. Maybe this is my punishment for not obeying. But obeying whom or what? My life is becoming more and more unbearable lately. 

I walked to my desk, and sat down heavily. Years of pain and loneliness fell onto the paper in the form of words and tears. I wrote all day and all night. Page after page, and went through pen after pen. At last, my life story of finding love, losing it, and suffering was down on paper. 

I walked out into the snow, and put the stack of paper-priceless because of the life story it held, into the mailbox, hoping someday, people would read it and understand what life without love is like.

The blazing fire greeted me once again. I stretched out a trembling hand into the dancing flames. I shuddered, thinking that someone as young as me would do this.

My mouth opened in a silent scream. The pain shot through me, but it didn't hurt as much as I have in the past. The pain was nothing compared to what my heart has been through. I would have no funeral, nobody will come or care. Nobody will leave roses by my grave. But to come to think of it, I won't even have a grave! As I had this thought, the pain stopped and I fell. I landed in a place without neither time nor life. I was lost when I was alive, and now I'm lost once again. 

The only memory of my death was the feel of a single tear trickling down my cheek. The tear represented all my dreams, my hopes, my happiness, and along with it went the only chance I had to find true love. I gave up too easily, but I still wouldn't win. My fate was written, and nothing can change that. 

From that moment on, I began my life as the bodiless, lost forgotten and hopeless wanderer of the under world. I will wander for eternity, and live in loneliness for eternity, despising love and everything I ever had. 

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Um…if you'd like something from Heero's POV, tell me and I'll see what I can pull together k???

I know it's sappy but I can't help it! I missed dinner and I'm in a sappy mood. Um…Please r/r. I know Duo isn't suppose to die, cuz he can't cuz he's Shinigami, but it's my first fic and I don't know how to end a dramatic story! Show some mercy! ;_ ;


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